In my head.

I don't know where to start, where to draw the line or when to wave that white flag. When i was younger, i used to admire my sister, and her friends. & how they were older than me, & had all the freedom in the world. To go as they please, and do as their young hearts' desires. But i guess i didn't take into consideration that with freedom comes, responsibility. I'm not the best at balancing things out, I'm actually the worst. I get all confused, my eye brows raise to the sky and i panic. I'd rather avoid something then send myself into cardiac arrest just trying to understand whats going on at the moment. From forgetting homework to not even knowing about that exam.

That same trait, i think messes me up in many other ways .. especially love. or the attempt at love. whatever you wanna call it, because i just don't know. Some days i think i should have said yes .. others i try to push it out of my head and replace it with some other pointless thought. I'm so mixed & beaten on this subject that finding the words to explain it just isn't in me today.

There 6 1/2 weeks of school left, and my senior year isn't all i thought it would be. Juss work work work and heartbreak .. i give too many people my trust, and I'm tired of being hurt. I've almost forgotten what friendship is thanks to all these shady, disrespectful people in this town.

Is it a sin to think of yourself as better than others,

but only in some ways?
To think you know what it takes to be a good friend,

but get still get shit in return?

I'm starting to trust no one.
Except my dead grandmother.
Cause she'll never lie to me.

I was too quick to judge, too quick to think i knew what was gonna happen. I jumped to conclusions, and didn't even bother to read the introduction. I didn't give it a chance, and now I'll never know. I'm pretty sure you've closed the book on me. but before you publish it, always remember you can go back, and re-read and change any mistakes, but only you can do that. It's the author of the book that controls the way it ends .. The characters just go with the flow .

I'm sorry for running, and im sorry for avoiding. Now you've gotten this idea of me that i'm just like the rest and i promise im not. You came in at a bad time in my life where i'm not sure of anything, not even the shoes on my feet ..
Honestly i'd rather go barefoot forever then have you think that you had me all figured out.