So much has gone on lately.....
Heartbreak, confusion, tears and joy.
Not just me, but everyone around me as well.
I can't explain whats going on in this one Walmart town.
Its almost like this huge wave of karma is passing through.
& to think hurricane season used to be Florida's biggest worry...
I dont know if im starting to realize things differently..
...or im just changing and my views are too.
its weird you know, this growing up thing. It's not a choice, its life.
I didnt ask for this height, this weight or these looks. But their mine.
I didnt ask for this life, this family or these friend. But their mine.
Ive been so awed at the 'life' factor lately...is it my age?
18? juss graduated?
i have no clue, my mind has been racing.
The thought of need money to survive,
but being able to balance a social life at the same time..ugh its tiring.
I dont know how others do it.
I feel blank sometimes, like i got mixed up with someone else, and im in their shoes... completely unaware of what to do. But no...its me.
It's always been me. I just can't accept that...or have i and im just in denial ?
I want more than anything to pursue my art,
but it seems to be the last thing on my list lately.
& thats what pisses me off the most, something im SO good at,
yet i never get to do.
I mis school, i miss Ms Richardson,
& her calling me her little cheer up every morning.
Im so stressed, dont ask me what about cause i just dont know.
I juss know im stressed, life is stressing me.
Im not doing anything i WANT to be doing, im doing what i HAVE to
and i've never been like that..its so different and uncomfortable.
This whole 'father' figure topic doesnt help either.
Go fuck yourself sperm donor. Your not wanted anymore.
Friends havent changed much lately
still trust few, and chill with many.
friends close, enemies closer yeah know ?
I'm hoping...within time..like weeks..thing will fall into place.
or together however you wanna look at it.
Im trying so hard to refrain from certain habits, to save money
to smile more, even if it hurts.
but at the end of the day im still so confused
im so lost
soo many things run through my head so quick &
so fast i cant find the words to describe them
& when i do i can't get them out quick enough.
Does everyone think like this? or it me ?
more questions, thats all it is ...questions.
Im starting to get more & more frustrated with 'life'
& what its really about, we search and search but do we ever find the answer?
why is it ONE BIG game. wheres the end? and how do i get to it.
If its under nose im gonna be so mad.
I heard people change every 7 years.
their personality, their views and even their habits change.
if so , why dont i feel different ?
I feel like ive had the same thought my whole life,
that juss yesterday i was thinking about graduating,
and today im paying for my car insurance.
Nothing FEELS different, yet it is.
I used to want this shit forever, ya'll can have it back. - Drake .
