Truth Hurts .

I've never really had things handed to me in life. Maybe the little things, like what mommy does to help out. But when it comes to getting things i want, i've always had to work for them.

Hard .

But i'm a slacker. I feel like an idiot for sitting here and admitting it but it's true. Id rather procrastinate things then do them from the start. I really do live for the moment, but sometimes that's no good enough. I understand now more than ever the quote of;

'Living in the present, now you're futures out of sight."

I feel more lot now than ever. All i know is where i came from, & where i've been but i dont know where im going. Idk what i want .. but i used to.

& that's what bothers me the most, i feel like the older i get, the less i know.

Shouldn't it be the other way around ?

Shouldn't knowledge come with age ?

instead im left stranded in this two horse town with nowhere to go and no one to love.

how is that possible ?

i'm told everyday 'i've never met somebody as wild as you' ... 'what would i do without you in my life?' .. 'i bet you'd be the perfect girlfriend, you say the most perfect things'

maybe everyones fronting . i hate fronting. id rather you avoid me then front me.

i want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

All or nothing, not bits and pieces. it's juss how i am .

I fight for you, daily . and you know, but you dont care .

at least i dont think you do .

i've never understood the, 'give it time' concept. At all .

The time is always now, and never later.

Because everything is different later, its not THEN.

then again, im open minded, and some things only make sense to me.

I try to see everything from all point of views,

so they can't say i singled someone out.

Or forgot part of the story and i play this out over and over in my head

and none of these scenarios end bad

but i guess they do in your head.

How can you be there for somebody .. but only in certain ways ?

Shouldn't you be there regardless ? no matter what? Weather or storm ?

It juss doesn't add up.

These laws .. these rules .. who made them up?

Why do we follow them?

Why do we have to have a title? Why not juss be 'together' ?

no .. its gotta be 'dating' .

wtf.

seriously ? you're bullshitting me .

and it took me this whole damn blog to realize it.

Cloud 9 .

So today is my birthday , & i'm legal . THANK GOD.

I don't feel much different though haha , but who ever does ?

So i have a lot to accomplish over these next few years. I wanna tackle responsibility, and hold everything I'm accountable for. Take blow for blow however it comes at me.

"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."

I've realized music powers me. All kinds, from acoustic to even some hardcore bands catch my attention. They way i see it is, to ME art is a way of expressing myself. But i never took into consideration how OTHERS express themselves. And music is a huge way to letting your feelings be more understandable. I've never met someone who doesn't enjoy listening to music. I love to just sit for hours stuck on music. Not even thinking, just imagining.

What is, what could be, or what was.

Music brings me to that place ..

Where anything is possible, anything can be said, and nothings holds you back.

It's like flying , without ever leaving the ground.

No one can touch me, no one can tell me to stop or to fall back. No ones better than you, because only you exist in that place. Only you matter, no heartbreak, no judgement, no confusion. Just curiosity to the fullest, and all my artistic abilities float around me, showing my the world to be more divine than it ever is.

As an artist i think i see things different as others. No in a 'I'm better' point of view, but more complex and divine. Everything is sort of 3rd person, and i imagine things that you would probably see on cartoon network at 3am. Now, not all of its legit and some I've never told anybody because i can't even explain it. But i use that thought, that moment, that period where i zone off for hours to that one song, and i create something.

I create art.

Art is the movement.

Forever and always.

& like the Earth i hope it never ends.